Most start off in a relationship without an understanding of not only their partners motivation but of their own as well. Where do we expect this relationship to go and why are we in it? These conflicting motives take most people into a relationship that will end sooner or later. Many times these conflicting motives and the other reasons for conflicts in relationships can be reconciled if the couple gets good relationship problem advice.
Relationships exist for a variety of reasons, usually there are a number of reasons are involved, and some of the reasons are more important that the others. While by no means complete, here is a list of 12 top reasons for relationships.
- Common interests
- Ego (a beautiful woman or a handsome man on the arm).
- Need for family.
- Family and friends pressure
- Religious beliefs
Abraham Maslow came up with a list of The Hierarchy of Human Needs. All of these map into what Maslow described as being important. When you get past one need then the next need pops up as important. If you have no air, that is the only thing that you seem to need, if you have no food or water, that becomes important, and so on. Love and belonging come not far after satisfying our needs for providing for ourselves and our safety. These are most important, but what about our interpretation of how our reasons and ways of seeking love interplay?
If one partner comes to a relationship looking for security, while another comes primarily for sex then we have all the mixing for a toxic relationship. When these two say “I love you” it means two different things. When the partner seeking sex is ready to go then it will set a bomb off inside the head of the partner looking for security. That partner may become clingy as the ego is destroyed and this is accompanied by a spiral into depression.
We often hurt each other as we go into and out of relationships. We hurt each other because not only do we not understand our own motivations we don’t understand our partners motivations either. The conflicts if handled properly can result in a strong relationship. But letting these differing motivations twist our feelings and emotions as perhaps we don’t meet each others expectations can rip us apart and cause a great deal of pain in each others lives.